Ben Eubank – Add as Friend
I should be writing about Day 2 in Atlanta right now but that’s very long, time consuming, and I just feel the need to rant about Facebook a little.
For the most part Facebook isn’t so bad. I get obliterated, people take pictures of me, it goes on my page for all my coworkers to see. It’s a pretty good system. It’s their “features” they keep tacking on that I just don’t get.
Who is Joe Kiernan?! I have no idea. I’ve clicked the x next to his name nearly 300 times to tell Facebook I have no interest in being his friend. I click on his name out of curiosity and it doesn’t even show how we would know each other. Stop suggesting this person, any person, be my friend. If I wanted to be friends with them I would have found them.
Oh and this new lovely idea to try and get me to talk to more people on my friend’s list. I don’t want to write on my step sister’s wall. When I do, let me do it on my own time. I’ve never felt like Facebook was better because someone wrote on my wall. Most of the things written on my wall suck. Not pictured here is when Facebook decides to let me know that three of my friends joined the “I like peanut butter” group and that maybe I should do that too. If all your friends are deciding to jump off that cliff, FB would like you to know that maybe you should too.
What is the point of the Live Feed vs. News Feed? The News Feed just looks like old shit I could get if I scrolled down the page some. It also turns itself on all the time. I hate when I’ve read some of the feed items only to discover this is friend garbage from yesterday at noon. I do appreciate you letting me block people from my feed though. Tracy’s daughter’s updates are pretty bad; blocking those has improved my life greatly. I can say this because she’ll never read this even though it will auto publish to my Facebook page. I’ve discovered that about notes, no one reads them.
Why oh why are people allowed to put up garbage spam/scam ads? “Camera Testers Wanted.” This is the worst of the worst from the internet in my opinion. This benefits nobody. The companies they collect ad revenue from because you completed 400 different offers are no better off. You had no intention of using their services; only signing up and quitting before the free trial is up. Perhaps if a detailed list wasn’t kept you might forget to cancel the free membership to Travel Weekly and they would score that way but if you’re the kind of person willing to sign up for all these offers you’re probably way too cheap to let a mistake like that happen. I’m just waiting for the Ad on the side that speaks to a prince needing help to transfer money around or a saucy single in Wheeling looking to have all sorts of dirty things done to her.
There’s the magic that is Facebook Chat. Instead of using existing chat protocols that are extensible and used widely by other people Facebook decides “fuck all you” and puts out Facebook Chat. This feature allows you to do a few things:
- Send your friend the same message 4-5 times even though you only pressed enter once
- Watch the “Sending…” text on your screen after your message has sent and the person is replying back to you
- Type a bunch of things then be told the person is no longer online
So here’s some suggestions for features Facebook. I’ve thought of a few features that you didn’t put in there that I want.
- Let me chose groups of people I don’t want to talk to for my Facebook Chat. Then I can always be online and they will never get the chance to say hi.
- When I click “X” on anything, anywhere, that means I don’t want to see it. That’s right, I don’t want to be friends with Joe. So remember that and stop asking.
- Design a USB Breathalyzer add-on. Don’t let me on the site after .15 BAC.
- Let me know who deletes me from their Facebook. For example if Tracy’s daughter ever reads this I don’t want to have to hunt around to figure out she deleted me. It should be in my Live News Feed “Ben and Alexis are no longer friends” Obviously people defriend me enough for this to be an issue.
- Give me the option for reminders on your events. I always forget.
- Don’t tell people when it’s my birthday. It’s not that I want to remove the birthday completely from the site; it’s fine if you read my page and know my birthday… but I don’t want to get a happy birthday from you just because facebook let you know it’s that special time of the year. Also this takes my years of storing people’s birthdays and ruins it. I know a lot of birthdays but now people just think it’s because I have you on my friend’s list.
- Instead of telling me that it’s been awhile since I wrote on my step sister’s wall why not give me a list of single females who have been looking through a lot of my pictures and maybe I should try and holler at? You can even suggest ones that I’m not friends with yet. That would be a good friend suggestion. I’d prefer if they were hot but I can wait for the v2.0 release.
- I don’t want to poke people. I do want to send automated shit talking to anyone I’m playing Fantasy Football with.
Who did you write this for? Why don't you start one of those groups "if 1,000,000 people join, Facebook will pay attention to my whining". Because nobody is going to read this otherwise. I'm just being an asshole.But really, I have to clean out my suggested friends list all the time too, but they keep finding more people that I might want to be friends with. I don't think I have repeating offenders like you do. Maybe Joe is gay and keeps checking out your profile hoping that one day you'll announce to the world that you're gay too. And you thought Facebook didn't have that feature (7th bullet point in your suggestion
Who did you write this for? Why don't you start one of those groups "if 1,000,000 people join, Facebook will pay attention to my whining". Because nobody is going to read this otherwise. I'm just being an asshole.But really, I have to clean out my suggested friends list all the time too, but they keep finding more people that I might want to be friends with. I don't think I have repeating offenders like you do. Maybe Joe is gay and keeps checking out your profile hoping that one day you'll announce to the world that you're gay too. And you thought Facebook didn't have that feature (7th bullet point in your suggestion list).
you have way too much free time. still, this is seriously pee-in-the-pants funny, much better that a recent supposed-to-be-funny look at fb i recently read on cnn or msnbc or somewhere like t
wait. am i one of the people you want to block on fb ch
you have way too much free time. still, this is seriously pee-in-the-pants funny, much better that a recent supposed-to-be-funny look at fb i recently read on cnn or msnbc or somewhere like that.
wait. am i one of the people you want to block on fb chat?
Sadly, I do read your notes. And actually agree with you sometimes. Darn.
I like your sugges
Sadly, I do read your notes. And actually agree with you sometimes. Darn.
I like your suggestions.