Thanks Pals
A few months back in a small spur of inspiration I went to Costco and purchased a book of one hundred stamps. Having received a letter delivered by the mailman that was not junk it occurred to me that I like to get things that aren’t from Verizon, Sprint, ComEd, The Government, Allstate or Someone’s Wedding Invitation. My plan? Write my friends letters in the mail.
I didn’t ever expect them to write me back because who actually buys stamps these days when all your bills are paid online? Though I sort of expected some type of acknowledgment that I’ve mailed them. I thought “If I like getting stuff in the mail who wouldn’t?” At first I was a little bit worried because my boss had said “You’re going to what? No I don’t think they still sell stamps downstairs… Plus I’d think if any of my friends did that they would be weird.” At that time I just summed it up to jealousy that I wouldn’t be writing him and he’d just be stuck receiving free magazines at work from all the tech conferences he attended. Sucker.
I sent quite a number of letters. Most pointless, all handwritten, but took the painstaking time to do it anyway. I only received feedback about my letters once and it was along the lines of:
Friend: Dude, did you send me a letter?
Ben: Yeah, while I was in Nashville at the airport waiting for my plane.
Friend: Did you have a little kid write it?
Ben: No, I wrote it myself.
Friend: Wow your handwriting is complete shit.
Ambition to write new friends is now effectively Zero. I’m fully aware my handwriting is bad. It’s a drunken version of JinkyA font in a land where capitalization DoEsn’T HaVe MeaNinG. On top of writing like an ESL first grade drop out it takes me about fifty-nine thousand seven hundred and forty-seven times longer to scribble out nonsense by hand than anyone else on this Earth. I’m the DSL of written word, the Slowskis would adopt me.
If you are one of my friends who did not receive a letter and are sitting there a little “wtf” right now, well, I’m sorry. I was getting around to you eventually but now it may be never. Since I’ve disclosed my dark mail sending secret I no longer really want to do it. All the fun is ruined because the fun never really came in the first place. This has potential to be a bigger failure then when I finally attempt to solo N’Sync’s Bye Bye Bye at Karaoke; dance movies included.
You know..stamps work if you want to mail a letter to WI..just s
You know..stamps work if you want to mail a letter to WI..just saying.
WHO SAID YOUR HANDWRITING IS SHIT? I’LL KILL HIM! I WANT A DAMN LETTER.
send me a letter, I promise I’ll frame it!